Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.