Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.