God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
seriously i just wanna be friends
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.