i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.