Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  My balls are so social today.

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  (540): My balls are so social today. http://tfl.nu/wyah
  Replies (8) Good night (4161) Bad night (672)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

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  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (10220) Bad night (1153)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.

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  (518): Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen. http://tfl.nu/qer2
  Replies (25) Good night (5099) Bad night (968)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.

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  (717): Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something. http://tfl.nu/o9mn
  Replies (11) Good night (3690) Bad night (979)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids

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  (574): I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids http://tfl.nu/kt7c
  Replies (6) Good night (839) Bad night (3690)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

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  (989): you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin http://tfl.nu/ftsd
  Replies (3) Good night (3102) Bad night (1147)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.

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  (303): If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else. http://tfl.nu/1lnu
  Replies (7) Good night (1027) Bad night (2407)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.

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  (914): Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names. http://tfl.nu/zaoe
  Replies (4) Good night (2567) Bad night (593)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.

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  (302): Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom. http://tfl.nu/7x02
  Replies (9) Good night (3165) Bad night (765)
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  (914): View more from New York

  So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.

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  (914): So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall. http://tfl.nu/w95m
  Replies (4) Good night (1376) Bad night (511)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high

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  (401): apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high http://tfl.nu/w0gd
  Replies (3) Good night (808) Bad night (366)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What did he say?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!

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  (215): What did he say? (267): NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS! http://tfl.nu/60l0
  Replies (6) Good night (933) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia

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  (972): On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia http://tfl.nu/s5pu
  Replies (6) Good night (292) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.

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  (806): Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom. http://tfl.nu/zajb
  Replies (2) Good night (936) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.

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  (678): If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed. http://tfl.nu/28dl
  Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (197)

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