something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
