Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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