Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
