Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
