Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
