are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
