I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
