I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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