direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.