Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.