I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do