don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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