he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf