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I need help removing her.
Me too!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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