drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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