you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
