i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
