I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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