I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
