I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
