just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
