i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
