there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
