Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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