I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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