Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
