Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
