So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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