Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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