Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
