A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT