Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.