now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.