Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...