My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species