You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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