come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
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This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap