Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
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I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?