i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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