Screwed.edu
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
