White coat. Heels.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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