drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
