Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
