I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
