You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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