they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
