This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Acid is not a monday night drug
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
