That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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