If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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