just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
