is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
