Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
