I just made out with a guy for $7.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
