you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
