is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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