The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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