I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
