Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
