The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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