I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
