Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
