cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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