i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
