I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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