my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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