I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
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Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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