the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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