its not stalking. its research.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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