Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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