Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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