Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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