The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
