I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
