i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
