I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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